i've been working very hard over the past couple of years to build a healthy relationship with the internet. i believe it's unrealistic and unappealing to disengage from online life entirely, but i struggle bigtime with compulsive checking, and being online was really exacerbating that tendency in a way that was making my mental health overall worse. i suspect that this is also true for people who don't have underlying mental health conditions, and even for people who don't know they're struggling. but even if you're not struggling with addiction, you've probably still noticed that being online is rotting your brain and shortening your attention span. it doesn't have to be this way: you can use the internet without hurting yourself.
note the distinction between being online and using the internet. i have finally had great success with going from an online person to just a regular internet user - i call it "offlining" - so i've written this guide for anyone who wants to get that balance back and doesn't know where to start. this is not about ways to actually exist offline, because we all know we should be touching grass. this is specifically about improving your relationship with the internet. honestly, the rest will follow. i got my attention span back, and you can too. for what it's worth, this stranger is cheering for you. isn't that feeling of abstract community what it should all be about?
i was a bitch about the shift to video and an even bigger bitch about the shift to shortform. i am proud to say i have never in my life downloaded or made an account on tiktok; when it first got big, i simply said to myself "i'm too old for this" and moved on with my life. of course, i was 25 then, but you're never too young to be too old for a trend. tiktok seems to have outlasted trend status, but i truly don't believe in adopting new or popular technology for the sake of it: i always ask what use it is to me. (this is also why i've proudly never used ch*tgpt.) in the case of shortform, it is not only useless to me, but actually harmful to people as a whole. people are primed to accept information with a friendly face attached, which is why misinformation spreads so much more efficiently now. also, watching endless short clips is bad for your attention span, because it conditions your brain against deep, protracted attention, and staring at the screen is bad for your eyes and probably your neck too (though MY posture is perfect.) and finally, many shortforms are actually just not funny or interesting, and you are experiencing stockholm syndrome. i promise you that when you cut them out of your life and then see one after a while away, you will be like "wait has this shit sucked all along?"
how do i know? i have not been immune to the allure of shortform video. i was a new-ish instagram user when reels were introduced, and they were instantly incorporated into the app in a pretty unavoidable way. i spent way too much of my life watching reels. i have now cut it almost entirely: i only watch reels my friends send me. the ethical compact of maintaining significant friendships is more important than the few brain cells those reels eat. and, you know, my former boss once blithely told me she could easily watch three hours of tiktoks a day, so i think a few reels here and there can't hurt. just don't go down any rabbit holes the algorithm traps you in. the way i quit reels was almost accidental: i uninstalled the app to get some space from my compulsions, and when i put it back, i noticed my algorithm had completely reset. instead of the food videos i had lovingly curated, i was now seeing white women with chemically straightened bleached hair talking about their husbands. um, ick! that pretty much did the trick. the other trick i used was app timers, which i'll talk about more next.
perhaps you're shocked i'm not telling you to quit entirely? i really don't believe in recusing oneself totally from the marketplace of ideas. plus, like it or not, social media is how we retain many of our connections, and connections are what's imporant. right now i'm off all socials except instagram, which i use to communicate with friends, find/share events, and post my photography. it would suck not to have access to these things! if you really like the five twitter accounts you follow and only check it once a day, then keep it up! i use letterboxd regularly, arguably this is a social app/site, but it moves so slowly that i never found it addicting. on the flipside, i never used tumblr as a social media site, but it has that infinite scroll to keep you hooked. of all the websites, tumblr is the one i had the most unhealthy relationship with. there's just so Much there that you can get lost in it. i also cut that down to a quick check every now and then.
i use app timers on my phone, and leechblock on firefox. the hardest thing with timers/blockers is to talk yourself out of simply deactivating them. there are exceptions, of course: when i get a lot of new film scans, i deactivate my instagram timer for a day, post everything at once, and then reactivate the timer the next day. this does take self control. that can be hard if you've let online wear away at it. but you really just have to persevere. eventually it will stick. if, like me, you struggle with compulsive notification checking (inbox zero syndrome writ large), i recommend the app buzzkill (small one-time payment) to selectively silence notifications.
instead of opening tumblr over breakfast, why not read the wikipedia front page? the wikipedia app gives you a lot of control over how you want to set up your front page, and also access to the traditional web page. if you have checking compulsions, that's not really ever going to go away: you just have to find things to check that don't make your brain leak out of your ears. i also recommend subscribing to your local newspaper and literally just checking the news. i cannot believe how many people tell me they get all their news from tiktok. practice critical reading and support local journalism all in one! i also suggest finding slow sites. i use a couple of book logging sites that have "new" content for me like once a month, which is ideal. or i check letterboxd, where i get maybe one notification a week. you can even start checking physical things: check that your nails are clean, check maps to plan your route later, CHECK THE WEATHER!!! my weather app (i use weawow, which has a highly customisable widget) is basically a phone game for me. check your emails. you never know what you might have missed!
this probably goes without saying, but being online is eroding people's reading skills, because everything is videos now. and no, reading a tweet or even a long tumblr post does NOT count. reading this post counts but that's because i'm vain. there are plenty ways to read online that don't mess with your brain: the news, obviously, but also newsletters. i get one newsletter from a magazine i'm subscribed to, and it occasionally reports on broader online trends, so in that way i'm still kind of plugged in without having to go on social media myself. i also subscribe to one or two substacks. just absolutely do not go on the substack site/app, in many ways their "notes" are more toxic than twitter. don't be afraid to unsubscribe if things are getting overwhelming. go on random journalism sites and read long articles. obviously also read books, read novels that were published before the internet became what it is today. you can also practice deep reading with shorter texts: when your friend sends you a substantial message, read it twice to make sure you really understand. reading is one of the big muslces that you're atrophying by being online, so make sure to use it whenever you're on the internet.
because you're on neocities, you probably already know this, but there are ways to use the internet that actually build skill and keep your neurons firing fast. build a website, write a blog, knock out an email you've been meaning to send. you can even do a little bit of work in your spare time, if you find yourself itching for a computer task - just make sure not to tell your colleagues, because maintaining healthy work-life boundaries is important too!
as a wise friend recently said, if you feel like you're wasting your time, you probably are. but sometimes there is time that just needs to be wasted, sometimes you need a little break, sometimes you're sick in bed. your task, as an offliner, is to waste time in ways that don't contribute to the brainrot or anxiety. find low stakes games: i have a few on my links page, but tbh i don't play them that often because i find the "new daily puzzle" model to contribute to my compulsive behaviour. i've just started playing flowergame. i love the new york times games app, the only daily puzzles i regularly allow myself, because they make me use my brain. if the only game i ever played was NYT pips, i'd be happy. i also like the apps mini metro (one-time payment) and cells to singularity (perfectly playable with a one-time-payment to remove ads). i can also see online chess fitting this brief. i am NOT a video game person, so i can't comment on how to engage with all that in a healthy way. but i do always recommend balancing online games with physical games, like sudoku and crosswords. and of course, if you have a few seconds of screentime to spare, there's nothing better than messaging a friend.